“Lesbian Jesus, Superstar”: A Review (And Interview!) of Hayley Kiyoko

Author: Amelia Zeve

I knew that the hardest part of writing this article was going to be starting.

I have so much to say about Hayley Kiyoko’s spellbinding performance at the Showbox this past Thursday, April 19th, that the sheer plethora of the words I want to say turn into speechlessness, which eventually turns into a lump in my throat of how emotional the whole night made me. There was no one defining moment from my experiences with Hayley Kiyoko, just an amalgamation of freezeframes in time so incredible that it takes my breath away just to think of them. Any one part of Hayley’s concert, the moments leading up to it, or even the exclusive interview (read on!) I was able to get with her feel very real, sacred, and tangible. However, strung together and replayed in the order they occurred… it all feels like a dream, such a powerful celebration of youth, joy, love and queerness that there’s no way to believe it really happened, yet it all really happened.

When telling this story, I started by recounting it in the typical way I write concert reviews and interviews—a line of events, some photos, a conclusion; trying to keep it impersonal, a look at the art and its presentation, the information I got from the artist and the questions I was lucky enough to ask. But as I kept writing, I realized… there was no way to write this review without being personal. I hold Hayley’s music so deeply close to my heart, and have for years, and I realized there was no way to separate the way that I treasure her away from the moments that I, and every single person in the sold-out Showbox, were lucky enough to share with her that night.

So, join me as I untangle the events of the most incredible week of my life… just to really help myself believe that they really did happen, that it really was more than just a dream.

Or if it was a dream, at least it was a dream we all shared together.


Let’s start with Tuesday morning, two days before Hayley’s stop in Seattle.

I was sitting at my desk, nervously reading over a page of interview questions I had wrote, trying to ignore the sound of my own heart pounding in my head. I kept obsessively watching the clock, watching the minutes drip by as slow as honey. All I could think about was the fact that sometime within the next half hour, I was going to be speaking to an artist who single handedly changed my life, inspired me more than pretty much anyone else, and was possibly the love of my life. (But that’s just a universal fact for pretty much every queer girl out thereif you don’t believe me, listen to the audio on this video I got of the crowd absolutely losing their minds after Hayley took off her shirt.)

https://twitter.com/lesbihayley/status/987289451176058885

But, it felt just sliiiiiiightlyunprofessional to propose marriage to Hayley Kiyoko over the phone, so I decided to direct all my energy into refining the same list of questions that I had already edited twenty times over.

At around 1:15 PM, I finally got in contact with Hayley’s team. It was Marla Vazquez, Hayley’s makeup artist and best friend, who picked up the phone. “Hey, is this Amelia?” she inquired, the tone and kindness in her voice exactly the way I had imagined it to be after seeing the way she always interacted with Hayley. I pressed my hand against my temple in a feeble attempt to get my head to stop spinning, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. “Yeah, it is,” I stuttered into the phone, trying to hide my disbelief about the incredulity of the whole situation. “How are you doing, Marla?”

“Great!” she responded, chipper and joyous. “Hang on, let me pass the phone to Hayley.” There was a pause on the phone, but not one filled with silence by any means. I could hear lots of anonymous voices talking and laughing, not voices I could place but all voices I could identify as Hayley’s beloved team. I was so lost in the calming background noise of her team interacting with each other that I almost fell out of my desk chair when a voice cut through the silence. “Hii!” said the same endearing, adorable voice that I had been listening to for years. I recognized her, of course, but still couldn’t believe it. “Hey! Is this… Hayley Kiyoko?” I asked, my stomach tightening with a shock of nervous joy. “This is Hayley Kiyoko! How’s it goin?” the voice on the other end asked, and I felt my breath catch in my throat, wondering how it was possible that I had just fallen even more in love with Hayley Kiyoko after she had only said eight words to me. “What’s up, Hayley… wow!!” was the only thing I could get out after my initial shock, and after light-to moderate fangirling, I pulled myself together enough to be able to interview one of my favorite artists ever.

The first thing we talked about was Hayley’s stop in Portland, Oregon, where she performeda show on Tuesday evening. “I’m so excited to be in Portland!” she told me. “We just got here.” I asked her if she had been before (I hold a particularly special spot in my heart for Portland, as Oregon is my home state), and her response was just as endearing as I would expect. “I have! They have some good food. Some cute tea shops… yeah, I’m gonna go get some tea. It should be nice.” We continued to talk about the Portland food scene for a while more (she told me about restaurant Pok Pok, which she enjoyed) before I segued into asking her about her tour. “How are you feeling about this upcoming tour?” I asked her, starting to get comfier with talking to one of my idols but still shaking more than I would like. “I feel… excited,” she told me. “I mean, it’s been incredible to play my new album to my fans, and getting to see their reactions on certain songs, so that’s always really fun and they’ve been… they’ve been VERY passionate.”

The way that Hayley said the phrase ‘very passionate’ made me mentally bookmark the statement. I made a note to watch how the crowd reacted to her at her Seattle show, to see what Hayley meant when she.’ Little did I know exactluy how wild her crowd was going to be… and why.

“I mean, it’s been incredible to play my new album to my fans, and getting to see their reactions on certain songs, so that’s always really fun and they’ve been… they’ve been VERY passionate.”

“Every night, the energy has just been insane.” She continued, and I chuckled. “That makes sense.” I told her, still smiling into the phone. “I mean… you are a superstar! People adore you.” She laughed in the other end of the phone (a laugh that still shocked me with how it managed to be absolutely musical, endearing and beautiful all at the same time.) “I wouldn’t consider myself a superstar!” she told me, incredibly humble for someone with several million monthly followers and listeners across her music streaming platforms. The phrase ‘Lesbian Jesus Christ, Superstar’ flashed through my mind, thinking about her wildly popular nickname, which originated from her highly dedicated Twitter fanbase. I decided not to share it with her. “Ok,” I said, laughing along with her statement (and also it  was impossible not to hear myself get warm and fuzzy with joy whenever she laughed). “To the queer community, AT LEAST,” I told her, “you’re our superstar.” And I really meant it.

A photo I got of Hayley with a sign of one of her fan’s affections (AKA, a bra with someone’s number and Twitter address written on it.) Like she said, the crowd was very passionate.

I know I promised I’d tell this story in order, but I just want to take a moment to help add more colors to this picture of Hayley Kiyoko (AKA Lesbian Jesus,) Superstar. Like I said earlier, my group and I been camped out outside of the Showbox since 1:00 in the afternoon, even though Hayley didn’t come onstage until 9:00 that night. Although you might guess that it would be a very select few who were crazypassionate enough to wait outside, rain or shine, just to try to get front row for a night with their favorite singer, but I watched the line start to wrap around the block by 3:00 PM. By 6:00 PM, an hour to doors, the line took up two city blocks, spilling from the entrance to the Showbox to the intersection of 2nd and Pine, threatening to wrap around the block another time. Looking down the line, I saw different reflections of a shared experience–hundred and hundreds of queer people, all in different stages of their life, all absolutely euphoric about the notion of seeing their idol live. So, as a continuation of the idea of ‘our love letter to Hayley Kiyoko,” I decided to chat with a few random groups and individuals about what seeing Hayley meant to them.

Jacob Kirsch | Photo by Amelia Zeve

The first person I talked to was Jacob Kirsch, a UW first-year with a VIP ticket to meet Hayley—and a mission that showed his selfless and thoughtful nature, an attitude shared by many Hayley Kiyoko fans. I met Jacob when he walked up to me after I’d been in line for awhile, bounding up to my group with a rainbow flag, a sharpie, and a question. “Hi!” he said, endearingly sweet with a beautiful smile. “I was wondering if you guys wanted to sign this rainbow flag? I have a Meet & Greet tonight with Hayley, so I thought I’d get a bunch of her fans to sign this so I could give it to her!” The thoughtfulness of this gesture caught me completely off guard—Jacob was under no obligation to share his moment with Hayley with anyone else, yet he still was creating a way for as many fans as possible to get to connect with our Lesbian Jesus. I happily signed his flag (can you spot my signature?) before pulling him aside to ask a few questions.

Jacob had been listening to Hayley for about three years, and when I asked him what seeing Hayley Kiyoko meant to him, he told me that seeing her was a reminder to be true to one’s self.

“Whether it’s with your sexuality, or with your gender, or with anything, it’s about being proud of who you are.”

Charles, Lilith, and Paige | Photo by Amelia Zeve

The second group I talked to was a trio of wonderful people, Charles, Lilith, and Paige. (The trio decided not to share last names for the article.) I started talking with them because I noticed their bubbly enthusiasm about the upcoming show (and because they complimented my aloha shirt, which is my favorite way to make friends). When I asked them what Hayley Kiyoko meant to them, Charles immediately responded with “queer love!”. We all laughed, and then Lilith responded with “soooo much. Ahhhh! I just love her. I wasn’t ready for this!” I talked with the group for a few more moments when Paige responded with “Lesbian Jesus!” making us all laugh again. Mentally, I started questioning the fact that I didn’t tell Hayley my ‘Lesbian Jesus Christ, superstar” pun when I had the opportunity… after all, it was universal across her fanbase.

Taylor Helverson and Katie Lynns | Photo by Amelia Zeve

The third group I talked to was a duo, Taylor Helverson and Katie Lynns. I bonded with them because I spotted Taylor’s Girls Girls Girls shirt—I owned the exact same one, in the exact same color. When I asked them what seeing the show that night meant to them, Katie told me “it meant a lot because I saw her at the Crocodile last year, and now she’s blown up… I’m so proud of her,” as well as talking about the significance of Hayley’s queer music videos. Taylor told me something on the same exact line, talking about how “I listen to Hayley’s stuff when I’m sad, or nervous, or taking a math test.”

“She’s blown up… I’m so proud of her”

Top row (L-R): Beka, Andrea, Justin, Kaylie; Bottom row (L-R), Ciara and Addison | Photo by Amelia Zeve

The last group I talked to before I got whisked away into the chaos of the doors finally opening and letting a sea of excited gays into the rainbow-lit amphitheater of the Showbox was the group standing right behind me in line. Like the rest of the line, they had been playing games, ordering pizza, and singing snippets of their favorite Hayley Kiyoko songs for the past several hours (the group had gotten there around 2:00 PM.) I had been drawn to their clear enthusiasm about the show, and when I talked to them, they were just as excited as I had imagined. I only had a few minutes, so I decided to ask the group (top row L-R: Beka, Andrea, Justin, Kaylie, bottom row L-R, Ciara and Addison) to just shout out a few words about how they were feeling in anticipation of the show, and what Hayley meant to them. “This isn’t two words,” was the first response from the group, “but Lesbian Jesus!” The group laughed. I also heard responses of “unapologetic,” “inspirational,” “bada**,” and “unexplainably amazing.”

“but Lesbian Jesus!”

Through all my interactions with these people, it was clear that Hayley Kiyoko meant something to them, something beyond what words could describe. I could see it in the way people’s eyes lit up when they talked about her, I could see it in the way people’s eyes got misty when they talked about how much it meant to them to see such an unapologetically amazing queer icon. I had been watching people trickle into line since the early afternoon, I had seen people with queer pride flags and trans pride flags tied around their necks, parents waiting in line with their kids, people thirty years older than the average age of the 20-somethings in line waiting together, talking about how much they wished they had had someone like Hayley Kiyoko when they were young. It was beautiful, and emotional, and a crowd like I’d never seen before. And so, when Hayley was humble enough not to identify herself as a superstar, even in the wake of all this fan adoration and all these sold-out shows, it made me adore her even more.


As an appropriate segue, the next thing I talked to Hayley about was her fanbase, and how avidly they loved her—especially on Twitter. “I haven’t seen so much hype about an album being dropped on Twitter since, I don’t even know, Beyonce dropped Lemonade,” I told her, which made her laugh really hard (which was a wonderful feeling).

“So, anyways,” I continued, “you just played Coachella. You’re playing it again this weekend. How do you feel about that?” I asked her. When I spoke to Hayley, it was only a few days after her first performance at the legendary music festival.  On her social medias, she had been appropriately excited- posting in eager anticipation for weeks leading up to the event. (It was also the start of her nationwide Expectations tour.) “I feel… umm…” Hayley paused for a second, gathering her thoughts. “I got offstage and I was like, honestly, I think I blacked out, because people were like, how was it? And I was like, I don’t know, I think it was great!” We both laughed.

“I got offstage and I was like, honestly, I think I blacked out, because people were like, how was it? And I was like, I don’t know, I think it was great!”

 

Hayley at her Weekend 2 Coachella performance | Photo courtesy of the artist’s Instagram

“The tent was packed, though, so I think it was good. It’s a festival I always wanted to play, so that really felt like a dream come true.” I smiled. “I mean, I guess that begs a different question,” I asked. “I remember you tweeted that you weren’t sure what was scarier- performing at Coachella or performing in front of your mom. What ended up being scarier?”

She laughed. “Probably performing in front of my mom! But it was so funny. I looked out into the audience, and my mom was on someone’s shoulders, and, like literally living her best life. It was great.”

I talked to Hayley a bit more about her tour and adventure, what it was like getting to road trip all over the country with her team (who Hayley adores) all piled into the same tour bus as her. “[Getting to travel on a tour bus] is crazy,” Hayley told me. “It’s surreal. It feels like home… you know, I love my team, we’re very comfortable together, so it feels like summer camp… which I never went to, so I just feel like we’re all having fun, traveling and at camp together.”

When I asked Hayley about her debut album, Expectations,she told me that although she loves all the songs, she loves jamming out to “He’ll Never Love You”.

“It’s just such a personal fav,” she told me, “because it’s got all that sass, and, you know, I’m just goin’ off on this girl, so it’s just really fun to jam out to it.” I laughed into the phone. “I was doing the exact same thing to that song last night. It’s such a bop.” Hayley snickered on the other end of the line. At the end of the day, I think she knows all her songs are bops, but “HNLY” is definitely a fan- and artist-favorite.

Hearing Hayley talk about her amazing experiences on-tour, with her team, and with her fans was truly heartwarming. She was so truly endearing, so positive and excited and passionate about everything she does, that it’s hard not to smile when you’re talking to her. She is someone who deserves everything in her life, all the fame and all the fans and all the accolades, more than anyone else I can think of.

 

It’s got all that sass, and, you know, I’m just goin’ off on this girl, so it’s just really fun to jam out to it.”

 

“What was it like working with Kehlani?” I asked her. The duo, who are both highly vocal about their queerness in their music, teamed up on the track “What I Need”,an unapologetic queer girl anthem. “She’s awesome,” Hayley told me. “She’s been so supportive of my music… she’s such a great, great girl. I’m really lucky to have her as a friend, and feature her on my album.” I smiled. “When are we going to be seeing the “What I Need”music video? And can we get any hints on what that’s gonna be like?” I asked. There has been some fan speculation that the video collab between the two has already been filmed, but nothing has been confirmed either way (although Hayley and Kehlani posted very similar Instagram stories saying “it’s a wrap,” possibly alluding to a music video being filmed, at the same time and same location.) “What music video?” Hayley asked me.

Our queens. Photo courtesy: @popcrave on twitter

Over the phone, it was hard to tell if she was playing coy, or if truly no music video existed- although I and many others expect the former. “Didn’t y’all shot a music video?” I asked, trying to prod a little further. There was a looooong pause on the other end of the phone. “Noooooooo… What music video?” Hayley told me, although I could hear on the other end that she was smiling. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, laughing. “Ok. Noted.” I said to her, smiling also. There was like a ten second gap in the audio from our interview where we both went to say something and just ended up cracking up. “I’m hoping to do music videos for as many songs as I can,” Hayley told me after we finally pulled ourselves together. “I mean, in an ideal world, I’d love to make music videos for all of them… but that seems kind of hard to do, you know?” I laughed on the other end of the line. “Maybe. But… after all, you are Hayley Kiyoko.”

 


If my interview with Lesbian Jesus, Superstar had me shook (which it did, and still does!) then it was absolutely no preparation for the experience of seeing her live in concert. I’ve seen concerts with a highly passionate fanbase before (or so I thought,) I’ve seen concerts where the audience wouldn’t stop screaming and seemed to be louder than ever imaginable, but I have never (repeat: NEVER) seen a concert where the crowd was as loud as they were at Hayley Kiyoko.

The Showbox, which was sold out and packed wall to wall with people, with the vast majority of the attendees queer, felt like a dream. Jess Kent, Hayley’s opener, warmed the crowd up with her feel-good, Australian indie pop—although not much warming up needed to be done. The group had been jamming since the early afternoon, when we slowly started to line up in front of the Showbox. All Jess Kent needed to do to make the crowd scream so loud our throats went raw was to smile, hold a guitar, and strum a single chord—the amazing thing about performing to a sold-out crowd of queer fangirls is that all you have to do is stand onstage and we’ll scream and cry. But, thankfully for all of us, everyone who took the stage that night did more than just stand.

Hayley Kiyoko gave one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. Not only were her vocals just as amazing live as they are recorded, but somehow, combined with her endearing stage presence and amazing dance moves, they were better.Hayley played all the hits off of Expectations, and it felt like every person in the crowd knew every word. She was funny, sexy, honest, dynamic, and trying to capture the way it felt to see her live feels truly impossible. Trying to capture the way it felt to be sharing such a special moment, and such a special night, with such a passionate crowd feels beyond words, too.

A photo I snapped of Hayley Kiyoko from my front row vantage point. Along with dozens of other adoring fans, I was out waiting on the sidewalk for the show by 1:00 PM in the afternoon to secure a spot for the evening.

The most special part of the night, was, by far, the final moments. Hayley, after making the crowd scream along to songs like Girls Like Girls, cry along to songs like Sleepover, and dance and scream along to everything else, had won our hearts a million times over. The most emotional moment happened after the show had ended—after she had already disappeared offstage and come back on for the encore, and played a particularly emotional rendition of “Gravel to Tempo.” She had finished the final bar of her final song, the lights had faded to black, and in the dim lighting of her set, you could see her silhouette against the stage. She was about to saunter offstage, when suddenly, we all saw her stop, and, in a dark amphitheater, turn to look at the crowd. We were screaming more loudly than I’ve ever heard at any concerts, but in the moment we saw her hesitate before going off-stage, we somehow brought the volume up another level. And, for like thirty seconds, it stayed like that. Us, screaming how much we loved her, her looking out on us, lingering, taking it in in utter disbelief. And to me… that’s the moment I’ll never forget.

Like I said, looking back on the experience, any one moment from it feels real. But looking back at the entirety of it, from the first moment when I got to speak to my idol on the phone the final moment she stood on the stage, lights shining behind her, arms outstretched, and the sold out crowd chanting her name. Looking at that, all those moments feel like a dream, not just for all of us… but for her too.

A photo I got of blissed-out Hayley | Photo by Amelia Zeve

 

We love you, Hayley.

Thank you.

 


AMELIA ZEVE | Catch me literally never stop talking about this concert | KXSU Arts Reporter

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

*

Tags: , , ,