Photo by Carlos Varela
Emotional yearnings persisted in my mind all throughout high school. I was on the search for the weird and the wonderful, but more specifically the aspects of my own individuality which were often rejected, forgotten, or ignored. Being a newly developed teenager in the twenty-first century, I found myself worrying and wondering about my life and what was to come from it. There was a hovering pressure over me to succumb to the conventional and expected, and stray from who I thought I was and who I wanted to be. I had not yet found someone or something that encouraged a full immersion into the parts of life aside from the norm. As an avid listener of music, day after day, I would try to find inspiration in the lyrics and the way in which these lyrics smoothly worked in unison with the melodies. My father was a strong supporter of my exploration of music and constantly played me his cassettes from his “glory days” in college and New York City, where he worked to find some semblance of order, identity, and belonging. As we were driving in his beat-up minivan, “Pictures of You” by The Cure came on. I had heard the song before, but never truly took it all in. Little did I know, but The Cure would soon bring about the answers to the questions and life struggles that plagued me.
I had recently experienced a breakup and felt as if my world was crashing in on me. I remember reading old text messages and looking at old photos, and feeling so alone. As the lyrics began to unfold and I heard Robert Smith, the front man of The Cure, sing of lost love, my own feelings of loneliness disappeared. “If only I’d thought of the right words I could have held on to your heart. If only I’d thought of the right words I wouldn’t be breaking apart. All my pictures of you” played over and over in the back of my mind. Instantly, I was hit with such gratification that had never been matched before. People like to think they know what they are doing, who they are, and that everything is going to work out. I find myself, time after time, struggling to identify with such affirmations. “Pictures of You” was off their album Disintegration and Robert Smith used his gloomy, yet whimsical voice to manifest substance, intensity, and reality. Upon further exploration of their music, it became quite evident to me that nothing is fictionalized in the songs by The Cure, as each and every lyric unravels into such powerful extremes. It was an aberrant and gloomy experience plagued by beauty and surrender.
While contradictions may evoke confusion or discrepancy, Smith utilizes contradictions to emphasize the power of a raucous, yet soft voice which captivates the listener and hones in on musical mystique. The Cure captures all I was trying to say and all I was feeling. They made me appreciate the use of heavy black eyeliner, understand the darker sentiments of romance, embrace outlandish movements of my body to the melodic hypnosis as I swayed back and forth in my room, and, most of all, gain perspective and a sense of belonging. This perspective opened my eyes to what I originally deemed impossible, and paved the way for clarity and individuality. The Cure allowed me to step out of my own mind and instead manifest myself in the song. With his impassioned, intense, and moody vocals, Smith seizes the artist and individual in us all, driving us into an emotional trance. Their personalized appearance and “look” captures the boldness, authenticity, and creativity I longed for amidst the years of high school conformity. The Cure became a symbol for my individuality over acceptance.
Music allows for self-discovery and a newly adopted sense of awareness. The Cure’s songs induced a sense of permanence in my mind and heart and filled the silence that needed to be filled. In moments when I felt like no one understood me or what I was trying to express, The Cure allowed for a conversion into a new state of mind. Their abstract songs allowed me to find self-acceptance, self-discovery, and emotional maturity and will forever remain an indulgent journey into the unexplored. My mind is filled with abstract thoughts, sometimes unwarranted and undesired, that gradually became understood and shared as I listened to The Cure’s songs. I used their lyrics to pave a path towards transformation.
I still hear “Pictures of You” hum through the back of mind and I’m reminded of strength and who I am. Robert Smith enables all listeners to develop a sense of belonging through their songs themes and messages. I know who I am and I love who I am partly because of The Cure, for they are the instant smile brought to my face in times when it seems the smile is lost and they are the instant reminder of the necessity to stand as large as you can and assert your identity and belonging in a world as complex as it is today. They infiltrated my mind, in the best way possible, and allow me to push towards the inexorable, poetic unconventionality and serenity through the means of succumbing to the arcane allure of The Cure. This is why The Cure will forever remain my cure.
EMMA WEAVER | KXSU Music Reporter