Alright, it’s time that we finally say it: there is such a thing as concert etiquette, and apparently a lot of people are still not in the loop. How many times have you been to a show and literally have a shadow cast over you by a 6-foot-tall human being standing right in front of you? How many times have you been hit in the ribs by a mosher at a folk show? How many times has someone sloshed their drink onto your new shoes? Too many damn times.
Finally, our editorial staff is standing up and poking some fun at all of the people we’ve come across at concerts who have really just done us wrong. This is all for wholesome, lighthearted fun, but seriously, take it seriously.
- If you’re wearing a tall hat—especially one of those fashionable, wide-brimmed, tall AF hats—just don’t. Thank you. – April
- Going off of #1, just don’t wear anything on your head at all if possible. This includes beanies, hats, visors, whatever-headpiece-is-in-style. From all short people…thank you. – Anna
- If you don’t want to dance, you definitely shouldn’t feel the need to…but also, don’t throw shady, judgmental glances at those who do. – Adrienne
- Please don’t stand in the front row if you’re just going to stand there. Move, dance, sing, do somethin’! – Anna
- If you’re intoxicated and want to throw elbows through the crowd in order to get to the front, you’re an awful human being, and I hope that gravity does its job and everything on your body hits the floor by the time you reach age 40. – Craig
- If you are a part of a group of insanely tall people, please be courteous of everyone behind you who were not gifted with your height. Just don’t stand front-and-center in the crowd. I didn’t come to see the the city’s entire tall-person population; I came here for the artist. – Celene
- I am small, but please don’t feel the need to “protect” me. If I wanted to be in the pit, I put myself there on purpose, and I don’t need you to stand protectively in front of me. And I certainly don’t need you to shepherd me to the front safely, away from the action. – Julia S.
- I’m so happy you are in love! But you don’t need to prove it to me! Your love will survive even if you don’t continually giraffe-wrap your neck around hers for a smooch every other song. Please keep PDA subtle…it’s hotter anyways. – Adrienne
- Hey! I get if you want to take a Snapchat or an Instagram photo or two—but for the love of everything that’s pure, please do not film the whole show. I know for a fact that you won’t ever watch that video again and it will just sit in your phone, taking up that sweet and oh-so-limited iCloud storage of yours. Just take a photo and move on. – April
- To the one person who is always yell-talking to the band on stage, please tone it down. This is not the time to have a one-on-one conversation with them. And I’m sure they don’t appreciate you yelling things to them, either. – April
- Dear people who use the excuse, “It’s my birthday,” just to get to the front: try again next year, sweetie, except don’t. – Celene
- People who go to concerts just to hit on other people: why do you pay to get rejected when you can just do it for free elsewhere, in a less public space, away from me? –Craig
- I am five feet tall and I have no shame in b******g about it. If you are 8 feet tall and stand in front of me, I will push you out of my way, or loudly complain until you move. It’s only fair. Not really a rule; just something to watch out for. – Julia O.
- A 3-part PSA to all those stage-diving bros out there: 1) Please stop jumping directly on portions of the crowd with obviously smaller folks! Jump somewhere you know you can be caught. 2) We get that you’re edgy and stage-dive, but that doesn’t mean you have to stagedive 5 times every song. That 5th kick to the face gets a little old. 3) Get on the stage, then get right off again. No need to walk back and forth and stall up there. You’re getting in the way of the artists and being disrespectful. – Julia S.
- Please don’t scream-sing to the music, I get it, you know all the words. But I sure as hell didn’t pay to hear you – Julia O.
- I hate crowd-killing. I hate it. If someone isn’t in the pit, they probably don’t want your foot to their face…just an assumption. – Julia S.
- An open letter to the guy holding his girlfriend in the crowd that gives you nasty looks for an accidental bump: go somewhere else. Thanks. – Julia S.
And there you have it. We’ve laid it all on the table. This is just a friendly and loving reminder to do better. Don’t wear a hat, don’t be a jerk, and just have fun. Simple as that. Happy concert-ing! We’re watching!
KXSU EDITORIAL STAFF | Glad we talked it through.